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Crucial Confrontations

Tools for Resolving Broken Promises, Violated Expectations, and Bad Behavior
iLibrarian
Aug 04, 2009iLibrarian rated this title 4 out of 5 stars
Confronting someone is never easy especially when the stakes are high and “involve broken promises, violated expectations and bad behaviour.” The coauthors of Crucial Confrontations offer a wealth of valuable insight about confrontation that has the potential to both resolve the problem and benefit the relationship. Using a wide range of workplace and family-based examples, the coauthors illustrate their model for success. The examples are certainly not contrived – they were derived from careful study of over 25,000 people during a period of two decades. They cover all aspects of a confrontation including the thought processes, the decision to confront, how to best handle the confrontation, and how to follow up afterwards. Accountability and mutual respect are consistent themes throughout the book. Although these concepts are not necessarily new in this context, the authors do provide a fresh toolset to keep conversation “safe” and yet remain focused and flexible. Understandably difficult to master, the theories and suggestions seem valid and immediately applicable to daily life. For example, the authors introduce a pre-emptive tool they refer to as “contrasting.” Its purpose is to restore mutual respect when you are finding it difficult to give the other person the benefit of the doubt when it comes to the motives behind his or her actions. If you suspect that the other person is going to feel offended or defensive, you should “prepare the ground by explaining what you do and don’t mean.” Similarly, building common ground before you even mention a problem is important for establishing mutual purpose. By starting with “what’s important to you and them –not just you” will let others know your intentions are to “solve problems and make things better for both of you.” The authors are thorough and the book is well organized. It is easy to read, light and anecdotal. If you are willing to invest a few hours in the book, you should take away valuable tools you can apply to your life whether at work or at home. For further information, check out www.crucialconfrontations.com to evaluate your crucial skills, view free videos, practice your role-playing, sign up for online seminars, or read through the archive of questions and answers.