LandlineDVD - 2017
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You'll never know how sorry I really am. But I'm not leaving this family.
- You keep saying that. How does that actually work?
I have no fxcking idea.
-Have you ever thought about the possibility that Carla's just filling a void you created for yourself?
What is that? Like Oprah?
- No, God, why does everyone think I get my shxt from Oprah?
Because your shxt is far too wise for the amount of time you've actually been on this planet.
I didn't want to lie to you anymore.
- Cheating's lying. You told me so you could feel better.
Just because I did one shitty thing doesn't mean I do all shitty things. I did a stupid, gross thing, and I'm endlessly, endlessly sorry. I'll always be sorry, but I also can't undo it, and I don't know what to do.
You've cat to be kitten me right meow.
The holiday is Halloween, which is not typically a heroin holiday on most people's calendars.
Jesus Fxcking Christ, Dana, not everything is so black and white. Like, you can--you can fxck Nate and still love Ben, right?
I just said no.
- And I'm sure Nancy Reagan would be real proud.
Why her and not me?
- Because she knows I'm alive, okay?
She knows you're alive? Really?
When was the last time you or anybody in this house ever even looked at me? You think I'm a failure. You said it right in front of Ali.
- I did what?
You don't even like me anymore.
- Look, I married you, okay. Can we just assume that I like you?
I don't have to assume with her. She tells me!
- Really? She tells you what? That you're so great and that she loves you.
Yeah, for who I am and some other person she wishes I could be.
I'm just trying to figure out if the life that I have picked for myself is even the one that I want, and I don't... even know if I'm allowed to ask that question.
Well, why did you want to marry Mom? How did you know?
- She had great legs. And the mouth of a truck driver. Truth is... your mother is the best partner I ever had. I wanted to be better for her. She made me think I could be.
Dad loves Mom. But now he's terrified of hurting her. So, it's not that easy.
- Yeah, he should've thought of that before he titty fzcked some woman whose laundry is full of dry clean only.
You smoked for 20 years.
- My gynecologist smoked then.
Never was a disco man myself.
- Neither was my husband.
That lady would break Dad in half.
It's, like, really hot. It's like squatter-hot.
I'm locked in here while the world continues to buzz around me. I've become nothing but a plant to water. A piece of furniture to dust. I'm vanishing. Turning into skin particles floating around the apartment. Particles that bore me. Two sons and one miscarriage.
We all know monogamy is impossible. So it's better she learns that now from her own family than have it be some like forbidden fruit that tears her heart out
later in life.
It's nice to see you two be sisters.
- I think most of her friends think that I'm like her weird aunt.
Want to get high and watch "Zelig"?
-I like you. Like, like a lot. Um, just seems like in a year from now we're going to be at different schools. And, like, I don't even know where I'll be, you know. And it's, like, at some point either I'm going to hurt you or you're going to hurt me, and...like we're friends. So I just want to stay friends.
You are such an irritant! You're a little piece of toilet paper that gets stuck
to somebody's shoe.
- You're like the embodiment of constipation, okay.
Look at us having sister time.
- Are you going to, like, try and braid my hair later?
If I were Mom, I would chop off that dough Loretta Bobbitt style.
- It's not--it's Lorena.
What's going on is that he's emotionally cheating on Mom.
- You watch way too much Oprah.
"Emotionally cheating." And maybe it's just a fantasy, which-- to be honest is totally healthy.
We're just like a family of cheaters.
- I just have to get it out. I just have to say "I'm Dana, and I'm a cheater, and I'm a Mountain Dew drinker."
You know I would never write erotic poetry to another woman. Because I can't read or write.
Do you have any perfume? My mom's like a drug-sniffing dog.
Plenty of booze, no food, a bunch of self-righteous Upper West Siders.
That's not coke.
- I know, it's H. (Heroin?)
We all know what we're breathing. Whether or not he knows that it's the same air that jackass Giuliani is breathing.
I've eaten something wrong. At lunch, and I just feel like I need to be near my own restroom.
So you want to tell me why I'm getting calls from school asking where you are? Or should I tell you what I think I know?
- Cool choices.
I think we should just let her get a B. Let her sneak out. Hopefully, she'll get mugged. Most people learn from failure.
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