The American SideDVD - 2016
From the critics
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You're a long way from Polonia.
-Working a missing person case.
You couldn't find a hole in a donut.
I have to tell her.
-If you want to confess your sins, find a priest.
Where and when?
-Today, out on Three Sisters.
You see her, then you see me.
You saw her?
-She's looking for you. Thinks you're worth the trouble.
I don't mind getting paid to look for somebody I'm already looking for.
-I'm not paying you to look for him. I'm paying you to find him.
What brings you to me?
-You're the only private investigator in the Buffalo phone book.
What, people don't cheat on their spouses anymore?
–Sure they do. But the spouses don't mind.
What do you mean, "what suits?" Everyone looks the same in a suit, like a rat.
She's in trouble.
-Ah, the worst trouble she's got is you, Charlie.
I didn't know she was working the Canadian ballet too.
-What you don't know could fill the lake.
Thought that was lot of hooey.
-History's great discoveries were all at one time thought to be, as you so provincially put it, "a lot of hooey." Top shelf. Where mama hides the cookies.
What is he to you?
-I'm a private investigator.
Glad to know they still make those.
Did I miss anything good?
-Secrets of the universe revealed. Like the charge on the cat's back...
No, no, no, no, no. We don't just walk up here.
-What do we do?
Well, if we're lucky, we schedule an appointment.
-Appointments are for assholes. You probably make 'em all the time.
I've had that same dream. Only my wife's the knockout and she's carrying a six pack of beer and a bucket of wings.
You ever hear the one about the tallest detective?
Why do you care so much?
-Ask me something else.
You ever just want to disappear?
-I already have.
No, I mean it. Go some place where no one can find you.
-I've never been to the ocean.
Mr. Paczynski is a genuine gumshoe, in the great grand tradition of Philip Marlowe.
-I always preferred Mike Hammer. Even your idols are second rate.
Must be interesting work. What brings you here?
-Bad habit. When someone lies, I take it personally.
Wake up, Paczynski. That's Bohemian Grove Buffalo style.
-Bohemian Grove? That camp near San Fran where all the big wigs dance around the bonfire thinking up ways to manipulate the world economy? Nixon said it was the faggiest thing he ever saw.
Look what happened to him.
He used his standing at the university to woo a co-ed or two. Pretty risky business, don't you think? You gamble, Mr. Paczynski?
-Football and horses. You?
I make bets. But it isn't really gambling if you know who's going to win.
One man's nuts is another man's balls.
We're family, Mr. Paczynski. –
That's a gene pool screaming for chlorine.
I'm one generation removed from a carnival barker. What lie did I tell you?
Mr. Stickney, here, is a riverman. Knows Niagara better than the average man knows his own shoes.
Little Roger Wood, a propeller pin sheared off their boat motor. Boy went over the edge of Niagara Falls with nothing more than a life vest and his swim trunks. Nary a scratch. The boat driver was battered and drowned. Great story. Same journey, different results. Of course, that was the Canadian Horseshoe. What no one has ever done is survive the American side. Great for suicides, not so good for pickle barrels and diving bells. But there is a way. With precise trajectory and an ideal rate of flow, a properly built device could manage it.
There are less than a dozen minds that our government sees fit to keep tabs on, for their safety and ours.
Tesla kept an notebook of theoretical inventions locked in his safe at New Yorker Hotel. That notebook contained everything from a free energy system to so called death ray. Within an hour of his death, the United States government seized everything in that room. But somebody else got there first and the notebook was gone.
I want to know if you've ever seen anything like it. –
Why would I?
-Because Tom Soberin's lungs were full of Niagara 90 minutes after he met you.
Don't feel bad. Most of the world does not know what is under its nose.
You can tell me or the police, maybe squirt out a few tears this time.
There are planners and there are doers. You strike me as a doer. Am I right?
-I'm just a guy.
Those suits back there didn't mind killing a federal agent. Didn't mind killing me, but not you. Why not?
-Someone was killed?
Well, you must understand by now.
-No, I don't understand. I don't understand any of it. I don't understand you!
This is where you tell me, my country needs me, right?
-Tomorrow, Silo City, foot of Ohio Street.
Should we expect you? You had me at death ray.
Imagine introducing an automobile with an unlimited energy supply. Or a system to irrigate the deserts of Africa. Tesla thought it possible for people to transmit themselves. Do you hear what I'm saying?
-Transmit themselves.Just because he thought it, doesn't make it so. When people were getting around on horseback, he envisioned a wireless device so small you could keep it in your pocket. It would let you check the news or the stock market or talk to anyone anywhere in the world. Here, all the way to the top. Television, satellite technology, computers, everything we take for granted...
What kind of a man would betray his sister's trust because of the accusations of a night crawler like you.
I don't like your jokes. You seem like the type of guy who thinks anyone with money is a crook.
-I think everyone is a crook. You're a killer. I'm a businessman. Now, what will it cost me to turn your attention back to reservation cigarettes and discount liquor?
Oh, come on. Don't be so provincial.
-That's the second time you called me that. All these books and no thesaurus?
You know where the devil can't go, he sends a woman.
-She doesn't trust me either.
It's just a Polish proverb.
-Well, she said it in English.
What do you mean hid?
-Hid wherever he worked. His lab in Colorado, the tower he built on Long Island. Both destroyed. Coincidence? I think not.
What about the power station in Niagara?
-Collapsed with 10,000 cubic feet of rushing water blocking the access tunnels.
You think this thing would actually work?
-Whenever you look at the moon, think of walking on it. Some people have. ===
Government conspiracies, the moon landing, Superbowl 25. I'm kidding, but there was a Project Nick. It involved particle beams, and plasma, and projects within projects. And one of them was a version of Tesla's dream to capture, amplify and transmit the unlimited energy of the ionosphere. Something that could only be accomplished on a massive scale.
DARPA has no operational mission. They want a radical innovation of any kind. You don't think that something like guided missiles came along because some general filled out an R and D request. They don't mind a thousand failures because one success changes the whole goddamn game.
-And a guy like Tesla would be a goldmine for an outfit like that. Don't kid yourself. Tesla is the outfit. Reagan's Star Wars, the HAARP complex in Alaska, the Manhattan Project... Bohemian Grove's greatest hits.
Look, I only got a few laps to go. I don't need money. I want adventure. -Then why weren't you in the barrel? Jesus and the 12,
After 2:00 a.m. a man makes nothing but bad decisions.
You don't even know what you had. That design could be a blue print for free energy. It could destroy the world economy overnight.
-You lecture on the frontier of science, but you kill to keep the status quo? The fact is that the design is indecipherable without both halves. I wouldn't dirty my fingernails to get it back.
You had both halves. Twice the profit. -Oh, 100 times.
You've heard one too many Tesla-ments. The quest for the holy grail armed with a maul ax instead of a sword.
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